I feel safe writing this because none of my friends really blog anymore. So this is my little conversation with myself that is accessable to anyone but nobody will bother to read it. And that's ok with me.
I always have a wishlist because I always want a lot of things and I often forget about them, so I keep a record. There is a great variety of things on my current wishlist; material objects, people, things I want to happen etc. The only thing I will share with you right now are the material objects. I want an A7X shirt, a tripod, black cowboy boots, a white bow headband like Alice in Wonderland, Zooey Deschanel's wardrobe, a 1950's style high waisted skirt, posters of my favourite bands to put on my bedroom walls, a cute second-hand car, a part-time job that is easy and doesn't involve me interacting with people (being socially awkward and all). I can't think of anything else but there is way more. Hmm maybe I can tell you a few of the people on my wishlist ... Rupert Grint, Robert Pattinson, Bill Kaulitz, Austin Winkler, Jeremy Davis, Ian Somerhalder, Sinister from Daisy of Love, Tim Urban, M. Shadows, Vin Diesel, Clement Louis, Dave Strauchman, Zac Efron (when he was in the first and second HSM movies), Viggo Mortensen, Johnny Depp, Jude Law ... I could keep on listing them but nah. What a boring blog this would be. I'm not claiming that it's currently interesting or anything though.
I love taking photos but I haven't in a really long time. Since NYE I believe. And it's late March now. I have heaps of creative ideas stored in my brain but none of my friends are into photography as much as me. Well not openly anyway. I will just have to take photos of myself and/or inanimate objects. I will end up with a massive compilation of photos that will never see the light of day.
P.S. I would like to say that ***** is a two-faced bitch and I would not hesitate to give her a hiding if she had a go at me, kthanxbye.
P.P.S. Pixelating your genital region in photos is hilarious even if there's no indecent exposure. Just makes it look funny as.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Tips for success
If the cops are flashing their lights at you, they want to see just how fast you can really drive. Impress them.
When a woman is upset with you it is often therapeutic for them to make sandwiches. Try suggesting she make you one.
Correcting peoples' grammar and spelling on Facebook will make you seem scholarly and intelligent.
While driving, slam on your brakes unnecessarily and as often as possible in order to keep everyone around you alert.
End every sentence with "according to the prophecy." It will make you seem spiritual, according to the prophecy.
Right before opening a soda bottle or can, shake it vigorously to mix all the flavor together, therefore making your drink taste better and more satisfying.
When he says "I love you," simply reply with "thanks!" Boys love that.
When your fat friend calls herself fat, agree with her. She will appreciate your honesty.
Staring at the sun for prolonged periods of time will give you the ability to see aliens.
When girls don't want to talk to you it means they have a crush on you. Be persistent.
To save time, try taking your medication for the month all at once.
Say "the" in front of words like YouTube and Facebook, it will make you sound hip and modern.
When using a microwave oven, always press your face on the window to ensure your food is cooking properly.
Use multicolored duct tape, it makes the hostages feel more at home.
People may tell you spandex isn't for you, these people are just jealous.
Keep your blinkers on at all times just in case you should decide to turn at some point. You can never be too prepared.
Shove animals into tiny balls then force them to fight for you.
Bring your gun to the airport. Security will thank you for looking out for the safety of others.
Ask your wife if it can really be considered "labor" if she's the one laying down the entire time. She will be impressed by your observational humor, and remember why it is that she loves you.
When in an interview, frequently tell the interviewer that you're willing to “bend over and take one for the team”.
Pepper spray is a convenient spray-on version of ground pepper. Use it on all of your favorite foods!
Sing along with your headphones so everyone can enjoy the song.
When first meeting a girl, open up with a sexist joke. It will set a precedence for your dominance, which will endure for the rest of your relationship.
Unplug your roommate's alarm clock. They will appreciate the extra sleep.
When picking up girls at the bar, remember that "no" means "yes," and "yes" means "double yes."
Stop signs with white around the edges are optional.
When walking through a doorway, never hold the door open for girls. It will make them appreciate that you consider them equals.
When conversing with a British person, speak only about tea or they won't understand you.
Saying "I hit that" while pointing to a woman makes you sound like a pimp no matter how people interpret it.
If your significant other tells you that they are "seeing other people," he or she is hallucinating and needs professional help immediately. Reassure them that you will always be there for them in this period of darkness.
Eat twice the daily recommended calories. It will make you twice as healthy.
Prank call 911. They will love the humor since their jobs are so stressful.
If you ever have to break up with your girlfriend, do it over text message. It is less traumatic than doing it in person, and she'll appreciate your sensitivity.
Haere ra good listeners.
When a woman is upset with you it is often therapeutic for them to make sandwiches. Try suggesting she make you one.
Correcting peoples' grammar and spelling on Facebook will make you seem scholarly and intelligent.
While driving, slam on your brakes unnecessarily and as often as possible in order to keep everyone around you alert.
End every sentence with "according to the prophecy." It will make you seem spiritual, according to the prophecy.
Right before opening a soda bottle or can, shake it vigorously to mix all the flavor together, therefore making your drink taste better and more satisfying.
When he says "I love you," simply reply with "thanks!" Boys love that.
When your fat friend calls herself fat, agree with her. She will appreciate your honesty.
Staring at the sun for prolonged periods of time will give you the ability to see aliens.
When girls don't want to talk to you it means they have a crush on you. Be persistent.
To save time, try taking your medication for the month all at once.
Say "the" in front of words like YouTube and Facebook, it will make you sound hip and modern.
When using a microwave oven, always press your face on the window to ensure your food is cooking properly.
Use multicolored duct tape, it makes the hostages feel more at home.
People may tell you spandex isn't for you, these people are just jealous.
Keep your blinkers on at all times just in case you should decide to turn at some point. You can never be too prepared.
Shove animals into tiny balls then force them to fight for you.
Bring your gun to the airport. Security will thank you for looking out for the safety of others.
Ask your wife if it can really be considered "labor" if she's the one laying down the entire time. She will be impressed by your observational humor, and remember why it is that she loves you.
When in an interview, frequently tell the interviewer that you're willing to “bend over and take one for the team”.
Pepper spray is a convenient spray-on version of ground pepper. Use it on all of your favorite foods!
Sing along with your headphones so everyone can enjoy the song.
When first meeting a girl, open up with a sexist joke. It will set a precedence for your dominance, which will endure for the rest of your relationship.
Unplug your roommate's alarm clock. They will appreciate the extra sleep.
When picking up girls at the bar, remember that "no" means "yes," and "yes" means "double yes."
Stop signs with white around the edges are optional.
When walking through a doorway, never hold the door open for girls. It will make them appreciate that you consider them equals.
When conversing with a British person, speak only about tea or they won't understand you.
Saying "I hit that" while pointing to a woman makes you sound like a pimp no matter how people interpret it.
If your significant other tells you that they are "seeing other people," he or she is hallucinating and needs professional help immediately. Reassure them that you will always be there for them in this period of darkness.
Eat twice the daily recommended calories. It will make you twice as healthy.
Prank call 911. They will love the humor since their jobs are so stressful.
If you ever have to break up with your girlfriend, do it over text message. It is less traumatic than doing it in person, and she'll appreciate your sensitivity.
Haere ra good listeners.
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